Success, Personal Demons and Spring

Field of Flowers

It’s been awhile since I posted. It’s been a very busy month. Lots happening with connecting people, presenting at SxSWi, developing trainings for work, leading groups, selling cards and donating some to friend’s important projects. Definitely a big month of being generous with my time, my talents and welcoming the things I love. AND…it was big month of learning for me, too.

It’s very interesting to me that while all these great things were happening, I was fighting my worst inner demon. The ‘not good enough’ demon. That’s the worst and hardest one for me.

What’s yours?

We all have them and sometimes they are so loud they stop us from moving forward. It’s been a bit like this for me this month….even with all these great things above.

As I coach friends to ‘move through the mud’ and ‘don’t get stuck’, I had to remind myself of these things recently. And, I had to simplify… a lot. Many things were put on hold so I could focus, do a good job, and just work through this awful voice in my head. Every time I wanted to work on my passion projects or come back to this blog, I just kept hearing ‘it was not good enough’ or ‘not as good as someone else’ (fill in the blank b/c there were lots of people I compared myself to). I thought I had put down this voice and moved past it, but I learned I hadn’t.

Do you find you have to re-live or re-learn the things you’ve overcome before?

In order to ‘move through the mud’ you have to face things head on. And, keep moving one little bit at a time. You might lose a shoe or a boot along the way, but eventually, you get to the other side. You might be a little muddy, but you get there. So this is the way it was for me. As all these great things were happening, I was continually moving, one step at a time, closer and closer to the other side. I find it rather symbolic that it’s the first day of Spring and I’m back here, on the other side, posting this with you.

In order to get past all this there were a few things I did consistently:

• I focused on the most important things, first. I used my value system to help prioritize things. I have to take care of myself before I can give to others and make these great things happen. Love for myself and my family is the top priority. These have to come first and not be affected by other things.
• I took a good hard look at myself to see why I created this. I believe we create our hell and our bliss. Why was I creating my hell? I realized a few things: I overcommited my time, I took on too many projects, I wasn’t eating right or exercising regularly, and I had unreasonable expectations of others and myself. While none of these were the main reason, they all definitely contributed to it.

Once I figured this out then, I took these steps over time:

• I let some things go. I stopped an online class because I can go back to it when I finish some other items.
• I also delegated the items which were not part of my specific job requirement. I took care to manage my calendar effectively and acknowledge honestly when I could complete items.
• I prioritized items where I made commitments to other people. I value my word and my honesty and focused on completing these tasks with skill and excellence. It’s important to me. And, one by one they are finishing… with quality completion.
• I started eating better. I took walks, and went camping with my family. I took long baths and I tried hard to stay in the moment and not focus on what I wasn’t doing, what I ‘should be doing better’ or what was next. One thing at a time, consistently, excellently.
• I let go of my expectations of others and that they should respond to me a certain way or provide certain things to me. This helped more than I expected.
• And, finally, I quit comparing myself to others. And just stopped listening to it. It’s hard for me since I have a completed vision for these cards, and think of what I could and should be doing, and how someone else is doing “it” better, faster, stronger. I really have to accept where I am, the time I have, and what I have accomplished in the 6 months since starting this blog and the 52 images in 52 weeks project.

And, I guess that’s the big secret to all of this. Acceptance of where I am right now, today, in this moment. Not where I will be, or what will come, but right now.

It’s the first day of Spring and it’s a new start to the rest of this project. I hope you join me along the way.

 Field of Flowers

This image is from a field of flowers I saw on a walk with my family. When we moved into our neighborhood, we found a local secret trail that went down into the protected Balcones Canyonland. Along this winding trail were stone benches, tall trees and surprise meadows of wildflowers. There was one field of red flowers that was so packed I don’t remember seeing the ground, and the late sun shining through made an iridescent shimmer. It made me stop and try to memorize the image. It’s one of my happy places and I think of it often.